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Senior Year


Wow. looking back on life, it's been a weird experience. we all wish we was famous and have the life we never had, i know. i want a life like that, still doo, but i will never give up some of the experiences i had throughout my life. alot of them i wish i could change.
 
if i could change anything, well not twisting my teeth when i was little cause now they are crooked, yea no money to fix them. i would tell my mom to bring my great aunt to our house for us to take care of her, so she wouldn't of died and my mom would still have her 2 jobs, then we wouldn't have to worry about being homeless all the time.

sometimes i wish i was famous(again i said this) but i really do, my family wouldn't be strggling, and i love my friends to death but we're just not as close as we used to be anymore. i could never have them come to my home (when we used to be tight) bc i didn't have the kind of stuff they did, my home was boring, my family didn't have the money like theirs did. if i was famous, maybe like these disney stars, i would have amazing friends. sometimes i feel so alone anymore.

i just do my own thing now, i stay in my room, exercise, trying to lose that feaking 50lbs i gained. i don't even understand how i gained it all. i'm just going to have to go online and order the real diet pills. i can't stand being this big, i feel like a huge blimp, i just want to kill myself. i hate it so much, and i've always been self concious about my body, i'm trying to lose the wait but nothings working. i gained the weight within 3 short months. and i only eat once a day, and it's barely a meal. i exercise like oince or twice a day. in my senior pictures i look like a whale. i need your help, please tell me what to do.

one good thing happened this month, we got a home. a wonderful home. i can have my dogs back again. i haven't seen them in OVER A YEAR!

well anyways i got to go, work sunday, trying to raise money for college, which is expensive $86 grand.
i need to practically go anorexic to be able to lose the weight i gained. l need to freaking find a british author for my senior paper'
ughhh i hate school!     I NEED YOUR HELP!!! with LOSING WEIGHT;  FINDING a way to RAISE MONEY for COLLEGE. and FINDING A BRITISH AUTHOR(has to have a lot of criticism from that literary criticism site. 12 page report. 6 pages of criticism!!! no i can't spell right, and i don't feel like spell checking. ;p

EXERCISING COMPANIES DON'T GET!

OKAY I ORDERED MICHAEL THURMOND'S 6 WEEK BODY MAKEOVER OVER 3 MONTHS AGO, IT STILL HASN'T CAME TO MY HOUSE. I KEPT ON CALLING THE THE PLACE, AND I GET THE SAME ANSWER OVER AND OVER AGAIN: IT SHOULD BE THERE BY TODAY. WHAT THE HELL! IF IT WAS, I WOULDN'T BE CALLING YOU OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

ANOTHER!!!!

THE AB CIRCLE PRO, I ORDERED THAT LIKE ALMOST A MONTH AGO....I TRIED TO TRACK IT...NOTHING. IT DOESNT SAY THAT WE EVEN HAVE IT. I'M SOOO AGNRY. THEN THEY SAY THAT WE CAN GET ONE FROM WAL-MART OVER NIGHT. THEY SAID THAT THE COMPANY KNOWS THAT WAL-MART DOESN'T GET SHIPPMENTS IN OVER NIGHT. WHAT THE HELL. I'M OVER WEIGHT AND I NEED TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT, I'M NOT HEALTHY AT ALL AND THEY WANT TO PLAY AROUND, ESP. AFTER I PAID FOR IT.

PLEASE IF YOU VALUE YOUR TIME AND MONEY DON'T GET THESE PRODUCTS,ALL THEY WILL IS SCREW YOU OVER, TO TAKE YOUR MONEY. AND WONT HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER SEE IT.

Disrespectful Children

okay well, not much has happened, same old same old, well for me anyways. still looking for a home....just can't find one. again zanesville ohio sucks, never come here, you'll be making a huge mistake! jobs are letting people go, i see more and more girls at highschool get pregnant and throw their lives away, i'm 17 and they're younger than me! kids are getting so disrespectful these days, its not even funny! this little freshman started to get smart with me and my friends, he better watch out or he'll be shorter than he is already. -sorry- but anyways parents! don't be afraid to disapline.(sp) my mom wipped me, (hand, pattle, belt, switch)& we know better than to talk back! i hear so many kids say "well if my parents try to hit me, i'm calling children services!" who gives a Damn! my mom said, "i'll call them for you, and you can tell them the beating i'm giving you now!" now thats parenting. i respect her for being hard on me. she's my best friend, and i couldn't live without her. now i'm not saying beat the crap out of them to where they are so scared that they won't tell you anything or they end up in the hospital, but show them that you mean buisness and that you want respect.!. my aunt and her husband are taking car of her grand-child bc the kid's mom is a crack-head, well she is terroble, she gets under her uncles skin, well everyones, and she does it on purpose, but she knows better than to mess with me or my mom, cause i will show her what discapline is all about. i like some kids, but her, NOPE! she's awful and her step-grand-dad lets her get away with things. how can you do that! he turns the other cheek when she does something wrong! and my aunt never used to be like this, allowing this to happen. she had 5 boys, 1 girl and she never had to have a chance to raise her daughter, but her boys turned out great, the daughter was raised by a good adoptive parents but she just got messed up, and everytime she got pregnant(like 7 times) the kids ended up having something wrong with them(cause she did crack while being pregnant). 4 are alive, 3 was born dead. and the little girl is so bad that she's gonna end up like her mom if she doesn't straighten up her act. let that child spend a month with me, my mom knows better cause the child well.....but she's that disrespectful and she's only 5. she doesn't do anything but tear up the house and blame it on others. when i was 5, i did the dishes and cleaned. mopped the floors, took care of the dog, stayed at the dinner table and had to finish ever ounce of my food even if i don't like it. me and my brothers did what a stay at home mom would do, but me and brandon couldn't cook just yett, anthany could but not us. =P mom and her ex-husband was always at work but did a good job of teaching us how to respect them, and respect others. if we did something wrong, it was a paddle, then corner, standing there a very long time with our heads against the wall(i fell asleep standing up one time too) then if the thing that we did was really bad, the paddle was even harder and grounded.
NOW parents, i'm not telling you how to do your job but when the time comes make sure your kids don't walk all over you. i'm hoping this may help you out a little. cause trust me when the child starts to act bad, they think they can get you into trouble and try to say that you beat them when you didn't touch them and then they'll get beatup when they meet the wrong person in school, even at the young age. trust me, elementry there was always fist fights. middle school girls were pregnant, high school kids do it both but worse. it's a lose lose situation unless you take control, but like i said don't hurt them bad enough to where they rather be on the streets than be with you or that they end up in the hospital, then you can go to jail. help them survive in this world. teach them right from wrong. and i thank every day that my mom was tough on me, i have so much respect for her. C:

with love,
a stressed out dork.*


thinking back, i had a good childhood, just a simple normal one, as people would put it. i moved around so much though it's hard sometimes, bc you the only reason why you move so much, is because you don't have the money to stay in that one place. it sucks, i mean i don't mind moving, bbut i just wish it was in a different town, in a different state, our a different country. being in the same town, just moving into different parts of the neighborhood, it's awful. when i went to nashville with one side of my family(dad, step-mom, her dad&her friend) i wanted to stay there, i didn't want to come back to the lifeless, boring old town of zanesville. i love that side of the family very much, but i don't think i can live with them, esp. in another state. =P i live with my mom, and while i was in nashville, i worried, wonder if she's gonna be alright. me, her, my step-dad; trying to make ends meat but not getting anywhere. you read before down below where my great-grandfather drove us to this....well it's still happening. another summer, and had another awfule birthday. i mean i don't ask much for the holidays bc i know my family can't provide much, esp. when you don't have a home, just living in a crappy hotel or in the back of your blazer. it's not a good life. my mom can't get a job at all in this town bc of what happened. my step-dad is struggling try to fix peoples cares, or by junks ones, or junkcars at the old family junk yard. The POLKS. yea Joesph Polk Sr. is my great-grandfather, but thankfully he doesn't own the junkyard, but he's really rich, greedy you might add. but all the polks are, and they won't help a family member out. if one little arguement goes on between a family member, it's WORLD WAR 3! no joking. i wish i was. we don't speak for years, like it can go up to 10yrs. ANYWAYS.....i'm trying to get a job but no i can't bc alot of the places down here want experience or the crappy jobs are already taken. i REALLY need the money for college. i'm going to the art institute of portland oregon next year, so i need to make alot, and i mean alot of money to make my dreams come true. this is my senior year and i already am having a crappy year.
i wish i was an actress, i don't know if i would be good, but that way i can make the money, go to college, help my family out; my mom is my best friend and she's always been there for me, choir concerts in middle school, dance, and just cheer me on, always believing in me and trying to do everything she can. she still calls herself worthless and it breaks my heart, she's always worried about trying to get me the best but i know how it is. in life i want to help her out, i want to make my dreams come true but i want to make hers too. i'm gonna help provide for this family, i'll do whatever it takes just to keep my family happy.

but i really would like to trying acting. =P you never know. it would be alot of work but think of the fun you would have and to make others happy as well. =)*

well this is just part of my thoughts today

from a stressed out dork.


Not Anymore

an arguement happened between us, life is just getting to hard to bear. you keep the positives, i keep the negatives. while we try to find a place to live, we stay in a cheap crappy hotel. almost a month and nothing good has happened. i try to pray and hope everythings gonna be alright but not anymore. i try to believe the fact that we're just going through another rough patch, but really were just another homeless family trying to make ends meat. when a teenager can't even get a low paying job in zanesville ohio, you know theres no hope for the adults. people are living these lives, as well as i am but they don't really pay attention to what really goes on.
i have a mother who tries in the world to do what she can for me. i have a dad who pays more attention to his wife and princess of a dog than me. i wanna go to portland oregon, but he doesn't want me to go to college there, i'm running out of time, tomorrow is the due date for my tuition fee for them to hold the spot. he doesn't want to help. my mom can't help, her last job as a nurses aid wouldn't pay any new workers. everyday i have to put on a smile to hold whats inside of me. bc my mouth can get me into trouble, to where people just wanna leave or just want you dead. i hurt myself at night to relieve the pain but before i know it, there will be nothing else left to hurt cause i wont be alive. i need help
God i'm truely sorry but why are my family, why am i, being put through life like this. we was just some average family who tried, yea we were homeless then and there but we made it, but now it's gone, we live on the streets with nothing to wear nothing to eat. we need your help God. i know we can't make it on our own.


Disgusted

i've been trying to change the way i look for like ever now, and i can't get it to work. for some reason i keep gaining the weight, i keep getting fatter. i can't take it. i'm trying so hard, and i want to look good for my senior pics. but i can't. i hate going places anymore cause i don't want people to see how much of a cow i am. i can't handle it. nothing works. most of the time i just want to kill myself. i wish there was a way, eating healthier, and doing regular exercises, that doesn't help cause i've been doing that for a long time. i'm still gaining weight. i've gained 50lbs. i wish i was dead. i'm so sick of this body.


F**K LIFE

what the hell!!! i hate this world anymore. and i'm not a hateful person, it's pretty sad when the world or at least the people in it make you become evil. sometimes i wonder why i'm even alive, i ask myself everyday "what did i do to deserve this." went to go talk about the 6 month smile plan. over $3400. me and my dad came out and got into the car. he started to cry! i hated it. it was the worst thing ever. i hate this world, i hate this government, i hate the rich people who can afford crap. then theres the really hard working citizens who work their asses off and don't get a damn thing in return.i know that the rich people work hard to, but not everyone has the money or the brains to get themselves into college. then there is the lazy ass bums who get paid and aren't even injured or on some kind of disability but get big fat checks from the goverment, and where does the money come from? oh thats right HARD WORKING CITIZENS!!!
i wonder everyday of my life, thinking how can i get a job when you need fucking experience and they wont teach you, how can i help pay the bills and make sure my family doesn't end up on the streets again! there's nothing. why is everything going so wrong in this world. why isn't life fair. i used to think, don't worry, love is what really matters and you can stay together. now i know thats just bullshit. you need money in this world or they'll cast you off like worthless creatures. no one cares for us anymore. if so, how come so many people are suffering. where is the justice in that? why isn't anyone helping.?.

sometimes i just hate life. i feel my heart becoming black.
i feel like the innocence is going away, and i don't know if it'll come back.
i hear my family cry everynight, and i ask, "why is this happening, i wish i can help, but God what am i suppose to do. i'm just a kid."
my heart aches so much right now. i wish it would get better, but the only way to make it better is to have the money so my family wont yell at me or call themselves worthless or wont think about killing themselves. so they'll have a life.
from yours truly,
stressed out dork.~

Internet

okay, i know alot of things on here are scams, but when you are poor and your find something that has to do with getting money and you need to pay bills badly; you go for it. i mean who wouldn't do anything to make a quick buck. my mom has been working her but off for years and needs some cash now but everything she does, the great system of america seems to fail. people lie, cheat and what comes out of it? them smelling clean, and hard working citizens falling flat in the mud on there faces.
its so hard in this world and people everywhere want to make it worse.

I HATE MY LIFE

I HATE MY LIFE! i know i'm suppose to be so happy about my life, so happy that i'm alive, but no! i'm not!!!
i don't understand, i exercise everyday, i try everyday to lose my weight. i've gained 40 pounds in the last 2 months!!!
i give up!!!i can't do it anymore!!!
i'm not pretty, i'm not smart, i'm not skinny. i'm fatt!!! i don't have straight teeth!!!
i'm hate everything about me!
i see people everyday who are super smart, super pretty, super thin. have the money to buy the nicest things when others have nothing.
people take advantage of these things, when they should embrace it. they think they're better than everyone else and they abuse their abilites, by not helping but only making fun of people.

my senior year is coming and i want to look good, i wanna have confidence in myself!
GOALS(please help me:)

*LOSE WEIGHT: wanna be 105lbs
*Straighten Teeth: (don't have the money for braces)
*grow longer hair(don't have the money for extentions)
*PASS THE ACTs' (don't have money for pills, a tutor, i can't focus on anything)
*Have tons of money so i wont be homeless again. (can't get a job cause i'm inexperienced; isn't that why they're suppose to give you 90 days to teach you the ropes!)
this world sucks, no one really wants to help. NO ONE! they just care about getting the money for themselves. everythings a scam.

SCHOOL*~


SCHOOL IS FINALLY OUT!!!!!!! I'M LOVING IT. but sadly i'm gonna be a senior next year, i don't have that kind of money to go to college after high school. i wanna go to the art institutes, in nashville or in seattle. C: my dream is to a cartoon artist, since i was 7. i'm gonna keep my prayers up and try my best. alsomy high school is getting torn down this summer, is been there since 1953. yea i know it is a trashy school but it has character. next year they won't let us do much in the new school, because it's new! -.- they told my art teacher that she's aloud to bring her airbrushes to the new building but she's not aloud to use them in the building. -.- it's called ART! it's how people express themselves,through music, through drawing, painting, dancing, and so much more. C: everyone knows this new building is gonna suck. the old building had me and my friends memories there. the best year was freshman year. its suppose to be your last year that is the best but nope it was freshman year for us. C: